headnote : maksu, if u ever read this post, im very2 sorry for stealing gambar afiefa n afiefi :D
how far can the present can trigger our mind to look into the future?
how far can the present can stimulate our mind to ponder the past?
how far can the past can be learnt from so that the future is not as bad as the present?
today i babysitted my beautiful adorable cousins. Sharifah Salma 'Afiefa n Sharifah Salma 'Afiefi.
i know u can tell. yes. they are twins.
they are so beautiful that i felt like i just want to eat them up. haha. no im not joking.
i really felt like eating them up. why? dont trust me? see for yourselves.
told u i didnt lie. but 1 thing that came into my mind.
today, these beautiful girls are innocent. no sins. no what. clean and clear.
everybody loves them. they cheer up their parents and everybody that sees them.
and there is a big, big BUT here.
nobody knows what they might turn out into in the future.
i dont want to have any bad imaginations in my mind. so i pray they will turn out into very wise, pious, clever beautiful girls that have a very clear fikrah.
that have a very clear view of their purpose of life. i prayed n am praying and will keep praying.
you too, please pray for them.
that was about the present and the future.
now let us think about ourselves.
at the same date 19 years ago, i was slightly older than these two girls. and im very sure that my parents and uncles and aunties looked after me very well. cared for me very well. loved me with the most intense love one can ever give.
when i cry, they coaxed me.
if im bored from lying down, they pick me up, bring me anywhere safe they can think.
and 19 years later, here i am.
not only i can walk by myself. i can also look after their children.
but what i am really hoping is, they dont feel a waste taking care of me during i was small.
i am really afraid that they would say,
dulu masa kecik2 aku dukung kau. aku jaga kau bagai nak rak. dukung kau sana sini. tapi bila besar, kau jadi macam ni? sia2 aku jaga kau kecik2 dulu.
well i guess you can say what the baby meant in the quoting turned out into.
no. i dont want to mention precisely. let us just have the basic ideas. okay?basically, the baby do not turn out like what their parents want them or expect them to turn out into. let's just think that way.
i have felt how disappointing it is when a person i cared from he/she was little turns out into somebody that i have never thought of all my life.
i have felt how sad it is when a person i played with since i was little, who exhibited the potential to be quite a figure today, turns out exactly the opposite way he/she was.
but i do not blame them.
there must be flaws here and there. in me who took care of them. who played with them.
in educational system. be it formal or informal. in the social system. everything.
i have experienced the feeling and i know how painful it is. how i cannot find any words to describe the pain. how i feel like even death is not as painful as the disappointment and sadness.
so i really dont want what i experienced today (well, not really today. i mean, in the recent time) to be repeating. be it to me or any other person. be it now or in the future.
if we feel like, there might be anybody who might feel disappointed and sad with what we turned out into, let us correct ourselves. i mean it. OURSELVES.
i mean YOU and ME.
and let us work so that it wont happen ever again in the future.
p/s : im sorry if i have made anybody disappointed or sad. i guess you can tell. i am a bit emotional here. haha