kematian.

"setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan merasai maut"

Saya kira, ayat 185 surah Ali 'Imran ini cukup keramat. Cuba bisikkan di telinga rakan anda yang sedang tidur, atau lebih baik yang sedang tidur dalam kelas. Dan perhatikan. Apakah dia akan terus melayan nikmat mati kecil itu, atau akan melompat bangun?

Ayat ini memang cukup keramat.

Ketika di sekolah menengah, Al-Fadhil Ust. Affandi akan membisikkan ayat ini di tepi telinga mereka yang tidur, untuk membangunkan mereka yang tidur, tidak kiralah untuk solat subuh atau mereka yang tidur dalam kelas. Ajaib, mungkin roh mereka masih takut-takut untuk tinggalkan dunia, lalu cepat-cepat kembali ke jasad.

Dan saya sendiri, andai tertidur ketika sambil mendengar nasyid, akan bingkas terbangun, saat track yang bermula dgn ayat tersebut berputar.

Kerana ayat tersebut berkait rapat dengan kematian.

Dan seputar pengalaman saya, ramai rakan-rakan yang akan mengelak apabila saya cuba masuk ke topik kematian.

Saya juga manusia. Saya juga pernah kehilangan mereka-mereka yang saya sayangi.

Tika umur saya 9 tahun, saya kehilangan kucing hitam kesayangan saya, yang mati kerana dipatuk ular. Dan dia dipatuk kerana cuba menyelamatkan saya dari dipatuk. Seminggu saya menangisi pemergiannya.

Tika umur saya 12 tahun, saya kehilangan datuk saya. Yang saya kira, adalah tunjang keluarga kami. Titik perpaduan keluarga besar kami. Pelindung kami dan sebagainya. Bukan saja pada kami, bahkan penduduk kampung. Beliau merupakan seorang yang amat terpercaya hinggakan ketika balai raya belum dibina, rumah beliau lah yang dipilih untuk disimpan aset-aset kampung.

Garang? Memang garang. Tapi beliau penyayang.

Itulah sebabnya saya sangat menangisi pemergian beliau. Sejak beliau disahkan meninggal dunia jam 4 pagi, saya berada di sampingnya, membaca yasin, hingga ke subuh. Selepas subuh, saya tertidur, dan beliau datang dalam mimpi saya memberi beberapa amanat.

Terjaga dari tidur, saya kembali ke sisi beliau membacakan yasin berulang kali hingga jam 12. Saya tak rasa ada apa-apa yang mampu saya sumbangkan untuk beliau yang terlebih awal mendahului kami. Hanya yasin dengan tajwid yang sumbang itulah saya hulurkan.

Apabila jenazah mula diuruskan, saya tidak dibenarkan untuk memandikan beliau dengan alasan saya masih kecil. Mengimamkan apatah lagi. Itulah nasib saya, memerhati dengan rantaian doa yang tidak putus-putus moga beliau mendapat bekalan pahala yang tidak terbilang.

Selesai pengkebumian, saya demam beberapa hari.

Saya bukanlah seorang yang superstitious untuk percaya pada mimpi, namun beliau beberapa kali menjelma ke dalam mimpi saya, memberi beberapa peringatan. Apa yang baik, saya ambil sebagai pelajaran, dan yang berselirat, saya letak di tepi. Mungkin ada maksudnya di masa hadapan.

Ketika tingkatan 2, datuk datang ke dalam mimpi saya namun tidak mengatakan apa-apa. Saya menceritakan kepada emak, dan emak hanya berkata,

"Mungkin ada apa-apa yang tokbit tinggalkan kat Bang Mi, tapi bangmi tak baca/guna"

Ahah. Quran buruk tu.

Sahabat-sahabat. Itu alasan saya, untuk menggunakan Quran buruk itu hingga ke hari ini.

Kali terakhir beliau menjenguk saya adalah ketika semester 2 Darul Quran. Seingat saya, itu adalah dalam tempoh sebulan atau dua bulan sebelum emak jatuh sakit.

Dalam mimpi itu, beliau datang menunggang motor buruknya yang kelihatan berkilat, seperti baru. Namun saya kenal bentuk motor yang selalu digunakan untuk membawa saya bersiar-siar keliling kampung. Beliau keluar dari cahaya dari atas tasik Darul Quran, perlahan menuju ke kami sekeluarga. Saya lihat, dalam bakul motorsikalnya, ada sayur-sayuran yang segar. Saya ingat untuk kami, tapi beliau tidak pernah menghulurkan kepada kami.

Emak memeluk ayahnya serapat mungkin, dan saya faham kerinduan yang melanda mereka.

Kemudian mereka bercakap-cakap. Kemudian datuk berkata-kata kepada ayah, sesuatu yang sangat menyentap hati saya. Ayah hanya tersenyum, seolah-olah sangat redha. Tapi saya pula yang berkecamuk.

Namun melihat wajah datuk yang sangat tenang dan bercahaya, saya semakin redha.

Dan kemudian beliau berlalu pergi kembali kedalam cahaya.

Andai kalian tahu apa yang diperkatakan datuk kepada emak saya, dan emak saya melonjak girang, dan andai kalian tahu apa yang diperkatakan kepada ayah saya, yang membuat ayah senyum redha, saya kira kalian menipu andai kalian tidak menitiskan airmata.

Namun, pembaca sekalian,

Cerita itu bukanlah fokus saya.

Fokus saya adalah untuk kita sama-sama bersedia menerima kematian.

Mungkin ibu kita, mungkin ayah kita.

Tapi paling penting diri kita.

Saya tanamkan dalam diri, "tak guna aku mengiringi pemergian mereka dengan airmata".

Dan saya menyeru rakan-rakan sekalian,

agar kita tidak terlalu menangisi yang telah pergi.

Tangisan kita hanya akan membuat mereka tersiksa.

Hadiahkanlah kuntuman doa, dan pahala.

Kita adalah anak, maka jadilah anak yang soleh.

Kerana kita adalah penyelamat mereka di waktu mereka terputus hubungan dengan dunia.

Andai mereka tinggalkan apa-apa yang andai kita manfaatkan, akan menyumbang pahala kepada mereka, maka gunakanlah. Sekurang-kurangnya kita tahu, yang pahala masih mengalir ke dalam akaun akhirat mereka.

Dan kita, bersedialah untuk kematian. Mungkin Izrail sedang menunggu anda habis membaca artikel ini untuk membawa anda ke sana.

boneka muslim

setelah sekian lama tak menulis dalam bahasa melayu :)

Sifat Boneka

boneka. suatu alat yang digunakan untuk menghiburkan manusia suatu ketika dahulu.

sebelum wujudnya wayang, sebelum wujudnya video2 bahkan sebelum wujudnya wayang kulit.

kita kenal boneka itu bagaimana sifatnya.

kita tahu boneka itu adalah suatu objek yang tidak bernyawa.

boneka itu suatu objek yang bertindak menurut rentak dia yang mengawal, mengikut emosi dia yang mengawal.

andai digerakkan ke kanan, maka sang boneka itu bergerak ke kanan.

andai digerakkan ke kiri, maka sang boneka itu jugak bergerak ke kiri.

namun apakah boneka itu tahu apa yang dilakukan?

apakah dia punya pemikiran untuk sedar yang dia sedang dipergunakan?

apakah dia punya ruh untuk menggerakkan jasadnya, untuk menggunakan pemikirannya, untuk menjana tenaga, untuk memprotes segala yang dilakukan ke atasnya?

saya tahu. manusia rasional akan menjawab tidak.

andai anda ada interpretasi lain, sila maklumkan saya.

Boneka dan Kita.

lihatlah kepada masyarakat kita pada hari ini.

apakah beza antara kita dan sang boneka?

dalam kehidupan seharian kita, apakah kita menggunakan fikiran kita, untuk sedar apakah kita sedang dipermainkan oleh kuasa-kuasa tertentu.

sudahlah. jangan lihat dari skop yang kecil, ubahlah kepada skop yang lebih besar.

dalam kehidupan seharian kita, apakah kita punya ruh islam dalam diri kita,

lantas setiap amal kita menjadi ibadah, dan memberi kesan kepada hati kita?

dan seterusnya menyentuh hati-hati mereka di sekeliling kita, dan membawa mereka ke jalan hidayah secara tidak langsung?

kita tidak ubah seperti boneka.

jam 5.40 pagi kita bangun pagi, bersiap-siap untuk solat subuh,

dan apabila azan berkumandang kita mendirikan solat.

kemudian kita sedikit sebanyak mengemaskan rumah dan tempat tidur dan kemudian kita bersiap-siap untuk ke tempat kerja.

dan ketika lunch hour kita mendengar laungan azan lalu kita ke masjid untuk mendirikan solat, kemudian makan tengahari dan kemudian kembali ke tempat kerja.

kita bekerja hingga jam menunjukkan 5.30 petang, dan kemudian mendirikan solat asar sebelum bergerak pulang ke rumah.

tiba di rumah, kita manjakan diri sendiri, mandi, makan malam, solat maghrib dan sebagainya.

sementara menunggu solat isyak, kita menonton televisyen, dan apabila azan isyak berkumandang, kita melaksanakan kewajipan kita.

dan sebelum tidur, kita selesaikan satu dua perkara, dan kemudian kita tidur.

dan esoknya, apabila jam menunjukkan 5.40 pagi, aktiviti semalam berulang.

dan keesokan harinya, jam 5.40 pagi, aktiviti yang sama berulang lagi.

dan hari selepas itu, jam 5.40 pagi, aktiviti yang sama terus dilakukan.

apa beza kita dan boneka?

fokus saya pada kali ini adalah pada solat.

masuk waktu, kita solat.

takbiratul ihram, baca fatihah, rukuk, sujud, hingga habis solat.

5 kali sehari, sekurang-kurangnya kita lakukan perkara yang sama.

apakah pernah ada kesan pada hati kita?

atau solat kita tidak pernah punya ruh untuk mencapai hati kita?

fatihah yang kita baca, adakah sekadar kata-kata yang kita sendiri tidak tahu apa yang kita perkatakan?

rukuk dan sujud kita, apakah tidak pernah membawa hati kita sama dalam perjalanan bertemu Tuhan?

tasyahud kita, apakah tidak pernah mengigatkan kita pada susah payah Muhammad dalam menyampaikan Islam, hinggakan kita yang entah siapa-siapa dahulu, kini juga Islam?

Salah siapa?

dalam memikirkan penyelesaian, salah siapa adalah salah satu persoalan yang akan timbul.

mari kita lihat, salah siapa sebenarnya dalam permasalahan ini.

permasalahan yang merosakkan fitrah kita.

hingga keadaan masyarakat kita pada hari ini lebih teruk dari masyarakat arab jahiliah dahulu.

salah saya? ya.

salah anda? ya.

salah guru? ya.

salah ibu bapa? ya.

manusia kan tak maksum?

lantas mesti ada di mana-mana mereka terlepas pandang dalam mentarbiyah.

tapi salah yang utamanya adalah pada suatu perancangan yang sangat rapi yang tidak kita sedari.

scientism, sekularism, modernism, post modernism, relativism, positivism, naturalism, dan lain-lain.

itulah nama-nama yang perlu kita persalahkan.

nama-nama itulah yang membutakan hati kita.

dan nama-nama itulah juga yang mencacatkan fitrah kita.

akhirnya, nama-nama itulah juga yang membonekakan kita.

penyelesaiannya?

saya percaya, hanya Quran penyelesaiannya.

lihat kita pada hari ini.

kita muslim, tapi kita tak punya ruh Islami.

sebab itu saya katakan, kita hanya boneka yang beragama Islam.

forgetful us.

expect the unexpected.

sounds stereotypical.

sounds ignorable.

sounds over sensitive.

sounds easily forgetted.

admitted.

who says exam questions must revolve around the content of the book only?

who says exam questions must be regarding on what our lecturer said in class only?

somehow i held to that kind of ideology.

and this week, i was proven to be totally wrong!

UNGS2030 : some of the things we even havent learnt yet in class.

UNGS2040 : the greatest surprise. "Eh, igtkan exam petang? Aku baru nak baca lepas zohor nanti"

UNGS2050 : the questions were totally KBKK.

any of you expected that?

I didnt.

serves me right.

yes, we are forgetful.

we forget that things dont go as we expect them to be. :)

skepticism.

one of the foundation of science is skepticism.

the problem with skepticism as in foundation of science is that, it is complemented by empiricism, materialism and logical positivism, where it makes the situation goes like,

whenever we are in doubt with any known facts,

we need to verify the fact with scientific methods which is based on materialism, empiricism and logical positivism. where the validity of the fact must be observable, definable, measurable and quantifiable by senses. where only physical matter is considered as the fundamental reality and can be used to explain a particular subject matter.

in other words, the world of the unseen, which is not physical, which is not observable, or measurable, of definable, or quantifiable, is not accepted, or considered as do not exist.

that is, in the same angle, contradicts with the belief us Muslim where we are asked to believe in the unseen,

Who believe in the unseen, are steadfast in their prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them

(Al-Baqarah 2 : 3)

that clearly underlines the unseen as a component of world that must be believed without doubt.

but however, Islam does not simply give out order to believe in the unseen without giving us any hint about the unseen. Many of the verses in the Quran tell us about the unseen. About the angels, the paradise, the hell, the future, the virtues and all.

and Islam, is not a religion of blind faith. We are not asked to follow a particular thing blindly, without any knowledge.

and follow not that of which you have no knowledge

(Al-Isra' 17:36)

Yes, seek for knowledge. Here and there. Now and then.

But remember to verify the authenticity of the knowledge. And this is where skepticism applies in Islam.

Dont just accept everything that is told to you.

Dont just accept what everyone tells you. Be skeptic. Verify the news/knowledge.

O those who believe! If a Fasiq comes to you with a news, verify it. lest you should harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful of what you have done.

(Al-Hujuraat 49:6)

there it is. the limit of believing. and as a guideline for islamic skepticism.

p/s : i have been keeping this view until assoc. prof hanapi has verified that this view of mine is not wrong. (but it can also be not right)

Islam and Materialism.

Islam and Materialism

the questions have been circulating around since many years back then.

and many times i have opted to not answer the question.

that was none other because i didnt have the exact words to get my answer linear to the islamic law.

"Syed, kenapa baju kau kena ikut design ni?"

"Syed, kenapa kau dress up macam ni?"

and many other similar questions. all regarding to material.

friends and readers.

talking sometimes does not bring any change. talking sometimes cannot answer a question properly. action speaks louder than words.

the reason i am so (materially) is simply because i want to prove that Islam does not reject material and muslims are not left behind in terms of material.

Islam is not only the religion about the unseen, but also gives concern on the physical world.

Have we forgotten that Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to dress up smartly?

Have we forgotten Imam Abu Hanifah that used to dress up smartly?

I admit, there are many muslims out there dressing up smartly. But the question is, do they bring the Islamic identity along with their dress? Even if i fail to portray the Islamic akhlaq to convey to beauty of Islam, i always hope that with my dressing, people will get the message that Islam wants us to look good, and Islam is not about dressing with rugs.

Islam rejects Materialism, but Islam does not reject material.

p/s: looking forward to post about skepticism in Islam.

man and past.

Future and present

since i was little, my dreams are always as big as nobody can think.

at six, i dreamt to be an astronaut.

and i kept sticking to the dream,

coz i dont have any other ambition that caught my attention.

later then, when i found out that my physique wont allow me to be an astronaut,

i changed my ambition to be a doctor.

but that was when my fikrah has undergone some evolutions.

i wished to be a doctor,

but a doctor that can istinbat laws,

that can build his own house and hospital,

that can give detail explanation on every single quranic verse and narrations.

in short, reviving the legacy of muslim scholar.

to be like shafie.

to be like avicenna.

to be like abuqrat.

but have you forgotten that shafie memorized the whole quran when he was seven?

and he started to give fatwa when he was 15?

and i'm 20. still, im nobody.

Past

'Umar al-khattab. during his believing age, he cant still forget his past.

he wept very badly about his attitudes during jahiliyyah.

that's an evidence that we cannot run from our past.

do u ever regret something that you have done in the past?

can you ever deny the fact that how many backwards the past has been,

the bad is still done by you?

who you are today. what's your status today. how good you are today. what age you are today.

can you deny that you have done bad in the past?

yes. we can never escape from the past.

you are right. let's dont make this as an obstacle for us to move forward.

let's repent. repent. and repent.

and remember that dark past.

so that our future would not be as dark as the past.

let's keep weeping for the dark past.

so that we would be more careful to not be near to the darkness.

"Wahai Tuhan Kami, jangan Kau palingkan hati kami setelah Kau kurniakan kepada kami hidayah"

baru kau tau?

it has been about one month since the semester has started.

and life has been typical. quite typical for a human being.

ups and downs. tests and fails. (and passes?)

packed days and lengthy days. tight sleep and sleepless nights.

well i regard that as stereotypical life. why, you ask?

because this is life. so that's how it should be.

hardness, relaxation, plain sails, painfulness, tense and all.

what do you expect?

this is not heaven, after all.

you want to relax?

you want all your desires fulfilled?

you want non-stressing, happy sunny days?

work hard for heaven, and you will earn even more than what you can imagine over there.

the best point is, all those pleasures are everlasting. there's no end.

interested? let's start working for heaven!

p/s : this is islamic worldview. it gives concern to this current life, and the next eternal life.

aku tidak mahu kelu ketika itu.

mujur kini dagu ditumbuhi janggut. kalau tidak, maka akan kelihatan sebekas parut di situ.

parut yang diperolehi kira-kira 15 tahun lalu.

kerana terpengaruh dengan aksi remaja ketika itu yang hendak berlagak menaiki basikal tanpa memegang handle. Lalu, jatuhlah Syed Mohd Syahmi dgn gaya superman.

kala itu, aku tak terasa ingin bangun.

namun siapa yang akan datang membawa aku pulang?

lantas aku bangun sendiri. menunggang basikal yang melukai aku sebentar tadi tanpa serik.

seminggu dagu ku berbalut.

itu kisah lama aku.

kisah jatuh yang dapat dilihat dgn mata kasar.

dan tak siapa dapat membantah, bahawa jatuh itu adalah sebahagian dari kehidupan.

ayat ini aku dengar dan aku hafal ketika tingkatan empat.

Adakah manusia mengira Kami akan membiarkan mereka mengaku "kami beriman" sedangkan mereka tidak diuji.
Al-'Ankabut (29:2)

ketika itu rasa terkesan sekali ayat itu pada aku.

lantas jiwa yang bergolak menjadi tenang. segala masalah terasa bagai gula-gula kapas.

manis. ringan. bagai tiada apa.

lantas ketika itu aku sedar. bahawa segala yang aku lalui hanya satu ujian kelayakan.

sama ada aku benar-benar layak mendabik dada mengaku aku beriman.

ataupun orang yang gagal dalam ujian tapi mengaku mendapat tempat pertama.

kata seorang sahabat,

segala yang kita perolehi di dunia terlalu bersifat sementara.

sem lepas mungkin aku mampu bangga mendapat 4.0. (CONTOH...)

tapi segalanya hilang hari ini.

biarpun hari ini aku mendapat 1.99 (CONTOH KEDUA), dan aku meratap. aku menangis.

aku bersedih. aku meraung. aku salahkan takdir. aku salahkan semua di sekeliling aku.

tapi adakah itu berbaloi jika aku gagal menjawab di akhirat nanti,

"Mengapa engkau tidak bersabar atas ujian yang Aku berikan?

Mengapa engkau tidak bersyukur kerana Aku masih berikan 1.99?"

aku tidak mahu kelu ketika itu.

sajak bertajuk..

aku yang tak masyi

di kala mereka hanyut

hanyut dalam dakapan bayu lembut

bersama belaian mimpi

dalam nikmat lena

aku dibawa memori

kepada kenangan indah yang pernah kukecapi dulu.

ku ingat.

ketika itu segalanya amat indah.

terlalu manis untuk diukir.

saat dihatiku hanya ada dia.

saat itu.

aku tak endahkan masa.

siang malam aku bersamanya.

dan aku tak kisah apa manusia akan kata.

namun kini.

bila di hati hadir yang lain.

tumpuan mula beralih.

kenangan kian kabur.

ingatan kian kusut.

wahai Al-Quran.

tak pernah terlintas utk aku lupakanmu.

terasa ingin ku ulang detik lalu.

menghabiskan sehari suntuk bersamamu.

sungguh cita-cita ini tak pernah luput.

aku ingin setiap bait dirimu hidup dalam ingatan.

mencorakkan fikiran.

menghiasi hati.

menceriakan diri.

andai kau mahu untuk bersamaku.

mencorakkan fikiranku.

menghiasi hatiku.

menceriakan diriku.

nescaya engkau akan sentiasa meniti di bibirku.

p/s: aku nak masyi.

conservation.

Epilogue

this is a dedication to my brother Saiful Alimin and my physics lecturer, Madam Habibah Yusoff.

Physics is a subject i have the least interest in. But i seemed to do better in Physics than the subject I have more interest in ; Biology. Madam Habibah kept repeating during all classes throughout last semester that the law of conservation of energy happens in all situation, all place.

The Law of Conservation of Energy

According to Sir Serway, the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created and cannot be destroyed. However, it can be transformed and transferred.

For instance, the electrical energy that is being supplied to a light bulb will be transformed to heat energy and light energy. And some are also transformed into sound energy in faulty bulbs. The conversions of energy proves that energy is not destroyed. This shows that energy is conserved.

Adaption to real life

In simple situations, it can be easily understood that what we eat will be converted into energy. The more we eat, the more energy we gain, and thus the more work can be done.

But have we ever adapted it into even more complex situation? Like exams, turning the world into a better place to live in? and so on?

Everything is conserved. If you work hard, you will achieve good marks in your exam. All your hard work, your prayer and your good deed will be converted into what you will get in your exam

(Habibah Yusoff, 2010)

I agree so much with the statement.

We will get back exactly the same value as what we have invested in order to achieve our goals.

If we get good results, then there must be something significant during our struggle that awards us with such good result.

If we dont, then dont whine. There must be some flaws here and there during our struggle.

Our struggle maybe regarded as the hardest one can see on earth, but the flaws can simply eradicate the hard work.

It might be our selfishness, our independence to God, our despicable acts. It can be anything.

All CFS IIUM students.

The result will be out next week, insya-Allah. Let us pray the hardest so that we will get what we worked for.

p/s : I want 4.0. Please pray for me. :)

the past, the present and the future.

headnote : maksu, if u ever read this post, im very2 sorry for stealing gambar afiefa n afiefi :D

how far can the present can trigger our mind to look into the future?

how far can the present can stimulate our mind to ponder the past?

how far can the past can be learnt from so that the future is not as bad as the present?

today i babysitted my beautiful adorable cousins. Sharifah Salma 'Afiefa n Sharifah Salma 'Afiefi.

i know u can tell. yes. they are twins.

they are so beautiful that i felt like i just want to eat them up. haha. no im not joking.

i really felt like eating them up. why? dont trust me? see for yourselves.

told u i didnt lie. but 1 thing that came into my mind.

today, these beautiful girls are innocent. no sins. no what. clean and clear.

everybody loves them. they cheer up their parents and everybody that sees them.

and there is a big, big BUT here.

nobody knows what they might turn out into in the future.

i dont want to have any bad imaginations in my mind. so i pray they will turn out into very wise, pious, clever beautiful girls that have a very clear fikrah.

that have a very clear view of their purpose of life. i prayed n am praying and will keep praying.

you too, please pray for them.

that was about the present and the future.

now let us think about ourselves.

at the same date 19 years ago, i was slightly older than these two girls. and im very sure that my parents and uncles and aunties looked after me very well. cared for me very well. loved me with the most intense love one can ever give.

when i cry, they coaxed me.

if im bored from lying down, they pick me up, bring me anywhere safe they can think.

and 19 years later, here i am.

not only i can walk by myself. i can also look after their children.

but what i am really hoping is, they dont feel a waste taking care of me during i was small.

i am really afraid that they would say,

dulu masa kecik2 aku dukung kau. aku jaga kau bagai nak rak. dukung kau sana sini. tapi bila besar, kau jadi macam ni? sia2 aku jaga kau kecik2 dulu.

well i guess you can say what the baby meant in the quoting turned out into.

no. i dont want to mention precisely. let us just have the basic ideas. okay?

basically, the baby do not turn out like what their parents want them or expect them to turn out into. let's just think that way.

i have felt how disappointing it is when a person i cared from he/she was little turns out into somebody that i have never thought of all my life.

i have felt how sad it is when a person i played with since i was little, who exhibited the potential to be quite a figure today, turns out exactly the opposite way he/she was.

but i do not blame them.

there must be flaws here and there. in me who took care of them. who played with them.

in educational system. be it formal or informal. in the social system. everything.

i have experienced the feeling and i know how painful it is. how i cannot find any words to describe the pain. how i feel like even death is not as painful as the disappointment and sadness.

so i really dont want what i experienced today (well, not really today. i mean, in the recent time) to be repeating. be it to me or any other person. be it now or in the future.

if we feel like, there might be anybody who might feel disappointed and sad with what we turned out into, let us correct ourselves. i mean it. OURSELVES.

i mean YOU and ME.

and let us work so that it wont happen ever again in the future.

p/s : im sorry if i have made anybody disappointed or sad. i guess you can tell. i am a bit emotional here. haha

ups. and downs.

i was told not to mention my weakness at the starting of my speech or anything. but this time, i want you guys to check my grammatical errors and sentence structures. because my english is not very good.

a human is forever a human.

a human can never be an angel. nor a devil.

and most impossible, God.

but mentioning about human, it is indeed subjective.

when a person talk about human, we can think that that person actually wanted to talk about human and feelings.

we can also think that that person actually wanted to talk about the bright side of being a human, or maybe also the dark side.

as for me, i prefer to be on the fence. why? because i wanna see both sides without bias.

that is the only reason why i always stay on the fence when anything pops out.

we are human and we can never avoid from what is obligatory for a human being.

we cannot run from living the life.

we cannot run from being tested.

we cannot run from the ups and downs in life.

do not deny.

everybody faces this.

nobody can ever evade.

never ever. dont trust me? try pondering your journey in life.

now say yes.

there is a quoting that i found recently (well, not very recently)

"When I fall, don't come and ask me why do I fall.
But come and tell me, that I can stand up back.
Thanks" (Sharifah Zahidah, 2010).

i know the APA format is incorrect. but this one is intentional. please dont waste time correcting this one, okay :)

that really hits the point and i really want everybody in the world to have the same thinking.

sahabat dan ikhwah, please keep this in your mind.

sometimes people are down. they lose track of themselves. they lose their spirit and all.

then we come to be nice. we try to take them back to their path.

but it dont end up like how we desired. it ended up conversely.

we need skills, guys.

good intentions only is not enough. wisdom is also a part of the success plan.

take my words. i mean it. words.

1 thing that i wish u guys wont drop it.

today, it might be the person beside us is down. dont laugh. dont condemn.

coz tomorrow might be our day. do we want to be laughed at? do we want to be condemned?

the above quote is the words that i love most. let's take a look at the below. the words that i hate the most.

tu dia. tgkla dia tu. dulu berlagak baik bukan main. kopiah sana sini. sound orang sana sini. dalil 24 jam. tgk. skrg dia lagi teruk dari kita. (anonymous, n.d.)

i wont say itu budaya melayu or what. just let's think.

how good a person is, how nice a person is, how pious a person is, he is also a human.

he is not perfect and he can never be perfect. he is also subjected to the gravity of life.

but please bear in mind, the higher we gets, the greater the impact when we fall.

that might apply to the 'pious' person stated above.

i guess this is all for us, for this time, to ponder about.

we have brain. why dont we use to think? or maybe, for this time only?

P/S: thanks a lot to a best friend of mine for helping me find myself again.

dicampak ke laut menjadi pulau.

im sure uqbah has been waiting for quite a long time for this post. :)

untuk pengetahuan bagi mereka yang belum tahu,

sekarang merupakan waktu cuti semester bagi pusat asasi uia.

dan sy juga sedang bercuti, walaupun tak seperti bercuti.

alhamdulillah, sy sempat mengambil 'ibar dari beberapa perkara yang saya lalui hari-hari.

masa cuti saya banyak dihabiskan bersama pakcik-pakcik saya.

pakcik-pakcik yang pada pandangan saya, memang smart.

dicampak ke darat menjadi gunung, dicampak ke laut menjadi pulau.

(betul ke peribahasa ni?)

letakkan sahaja mereka di mana-mana. pasti mereka tahu apa yang perlu dan boleh dibuat.

ini analisa saya setelah hampir 20 tahun memerhati kehidupan mereka.

saya akui, saya yang masih lemah berharap untuk menjadi seperti mereka.

agar saya mampu melihat peluang dalam semua perkara.

dan mampu bertindak untuk merealisasikan peluang itu.

dan tidak segan untuk mulakan langkah untuk merealisasikan peluang tersebut.

serta tidak takut pada risiko.

saya melihat pakcik saya bekerja dgn sangat keras.

dari 8 pagi hingga 6 petang, di kilang kayu membina perabot.

masih dia sendiri yang bekerja walaupun dia merupakan manager.

dgn layanan 1st class kepada pekerja-pekerjanya.

kemudian disambung dengan perniagaan kedai makan sehingga 11 malam.

7 days a week. takde cuti. wahh~ smart!

dalam pada itu, anda dapat lihat senyuman dan jenaka yang tak pernah lekang dari mereka.

anda boleh bayangkan keletihan mereka?

8 pagi-11 malam. buat perabot waktu siang, dan restauran waktu malam.

dengan kerenah anak-anak. saya akui, saya yang melihat pun jadi stress. (hoho)

apa agaknya mereka rasa?

tapi i assure u, pakcik-pakcik saya masih mampu berjenaka dan bersabar dalam tekanan sebegitu.

saya berkata kepada emak,

"orang lain kerja jugak tapi ada cuti. mana tak letih kerja pagi sampai malam, 7 hari seminggu"

emak menjawab,

"begitulah mereka"

saya sedikit sebanyak membantu perjalanan kerja mereka, walaupun siri-siri pertolongan saya tak berapa memberi impak pada kerja mereka.

hari sabtu (kot), saya bersama mereka memasang kabinet di sebuah hotel di sini.

ketika memasang, orang lalu lalang mengucapkan,

"eh cantiknya"

dalam hati saya berkata, "cantik ke? mana ada pun"

dan kakak reception yang sering membuat 'roadblock' bersembang sesama sendiri.

"kalau letak kat rumah ni.."

saya berkata dalam hati,

"tempahla satu. kaya sikit kitorang nanti" hoho

kemudian pakcik bersembang dengan seorang abang yang tak dapat dipastikan jawatannya,

abang tersebut bertanya,

"byk ke tempahan?"

pakcik menjawab,

"tak banyak pun. sekarang ni lembap sikit"

dengan raut wajahnya. kalau korang melihat, saya pasti korang percaya kata-kata pakcik saya.

haih. projek yang ada pun tak menang tangan, masih kata sikit? hoho.

dalam usaha meyiapkan kabinet tersebut,

ada beberapa siri kerosakan yang berlaku pada perabot.

kecacatan yang sangat kecik dan sedikit. bak kata orang, 90 kali tengok pun tak perasan.

tapi kata pakcik,

"eh, tak boleh ni. kena baiki ni"

satu perasaan mengalir dalam diri saya,

"inilah ihsan"

kalaulah saya dapat mengaplikasikan itu dalam solat..

di saat sedikit kelalaian kecil mengganggu ketika solat,

"eh ni tak boleh ni. tak lawa solat aku kalau camni"

indahnya hidup kan?

p/s: banyak lagi cerita sebenarnya. tak tertaip.

another.

another short post :)

well, just got back from pj. arrived safely, but not quite soundly.

3 weeks of holiday, but guess what?

u guys know im not the kind of guy that can help myself to do nothing.

i'll try doing something.

and at the same time, preparing my IQ & EQ for next sem.

gotta struggle very hard! :)

for the moment, sape nak pegi Gunung Ledang on 28th May?

pvt me okay :)

menukar paradigma.

hati, jiwa, akal dan jasmani perlu dididik.

andai gagal dari satu paradigma, perlu dicuba dari paradigma lain.

tapi samakah menukar paradigma dan hijrah?

well, linguistic thingy.

just let it be.

time to get serious.

(but why do my friends laugh when i say i want to get serious?)

hahah.

why afraid?

Don't be afraid of death,

it will come to you sooner or later.

-Alizaman Gamond-

saat mataku membawa hatiku ke langit.

hari ni hari isnin.

jam lebih kurang 7 pagi.

melihat ke luar tingkap, selepas pulang dari masjid.

(dont ever say i dont go to masjid, okay? haha)

terlihat langit biru yang indah.

lantas satu laci di minda terbuka.

"langit ni,,aku penah tgk dulu.

masa kecik-kecik dulu.

how I miss the time then.

my mother, my father, my sisters, my brother.

do you ever think these people will turn back like how they were then?

and finally, my innoncent self.

kecik-kecik dulu takde dosa.

very innocent.

but now?

God knows.

hutang nikmat pun tak terbayar,

ditambah dengan dosa,

ampunkan aku, Tuhan~

ke mana harta kita?

before i start, i'd be glad to state my objective for this posting is,
just to remind myself of what i have long forgotten.

u know, there was this principle that i held fast to,
but as time passes, i tend to forget.
(im a human. a forgetful human. so what do u expect from me? quite an excuse rite?haha)

long time ago, before im here in cfs, i came to realize that nothing in the world is mine.
how?

er..
no idea. heheh.

the feeling was..very great. no words can describe.
but then was the time when we can realize our nature as nobody.
except a slave, and a vicegerent.

let us imagine a theater. the storyline goes like this.

there was a master.
a very rich one. just mention anything, and there's no single thing mentioned that is not his.
in other words, semua dia punya lah!

and he have so many slaves.
and he assigned all of them to a mansion.
and he give them money, a lot of money to develop the mansion, to do anything to the mansion so that it would be a very nice place to live on.

he said to them,
"use the money i give you guys very wisely.
some of you, i didnt give as much as i gave to some other.
so please help them, using your money and everything you have.
remember, what you spend in this mansion will just circulate in this very mansion.
if you give out something, you will surely get it back somehow, some other time.
and i will surely reward those who performs well in this mansion"

but very few of them who understands.
there's this slave, namely Haji Bakhil bin Kedekut.
(he didnt go to makkah on his own expense. he went there on his master's. see? so kedekut kan?)

he was given RM1 million.
and he was so happy to be given such a trust.
but at the time he got that 1 million,
he forgot that that 1 million is not his.
he thought that it was his, (haha. so teruk lah~)

he saw some of his friends starving,
but he restrained himself from giving out his (his master, i mean) that 1 million.
coz he was afraid that that 1 million will get used up.
(well, he really forgets, right? he forgot that the money is not his. and what's worse, he forgot that though he spend his money, he will get back what what he spend. and he will get rewarded for what he spend)

well, all of us agree that that Haji Bakhil bin Kedekut is a so...so...teruk!

but we dont really realize, that we are like him, sometimes. kan?
(taknak mengaku pun takpe. saya jelah yang mengaku :p)

well, let's ponder this ayah.

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Verily, Allah has purchased of the believers their lives and their properties for (the price) that theirs shall be the Paradise. They fight in Allah's Cause, so they kill (others) and are killed. It is a promise in truth which is binding on Him in the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel) and the Qur'an. And who is truer to his covenant than Allah? Then rejoice in the bargain which you have concluded. That is the supreme success.

(At-Taubah 9:111)

now who would like to have a bargain with God?